Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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