You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
