never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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