the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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