your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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