I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
