We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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