I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
