We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
