we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
