My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
