hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
