I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
