Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
