i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
