If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Bring me that man meat
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
