I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
