so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
