cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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