You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
