How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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