So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
