the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
