i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
