Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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