your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
