Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
