I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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