before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
