her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
