The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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