I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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