Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize