you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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