I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
