Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
