What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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