I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
