I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.