You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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