areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night