i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The air was thick with penises
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy