Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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