I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
