Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
