on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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