There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
