Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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