Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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