My sheets look like a crime scene.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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