Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
