Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
