I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
