im holly from the hills drunk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
