Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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