weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
