peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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