**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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