How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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