The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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