I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
