why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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