It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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