and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
