Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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