p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
