My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
