you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
