but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Edward fifth and chaser hands
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
