Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
