Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
